c'est la vie

there’s something about you that makes me want to be a better person.

I met Myza (pronounced My-zah)today. Missed her sooooo much. Last time I saw her was Christmas 2008 before her flight to LA.

Nothing much. Only a really late lunch at Sbarro… yoghurt for dessert… met Danielle for like 10 seconds before she flew off to finish whatever mountain of work she had to finish… saw Myza’s condo (you really should get a roommate. your building is filled with THAT kind of foreigners)… and then went to Cocktales where we felt so cheated with this P75 (S$2.50) chocolate apple martini, which had 0 alcohol (Now I understand why there was a ’spiked’ option. I was like “but it’s martini! what’s the spike for? for extra long lasting liver damage???”. So we assumed the unspiked martini still had kick. what a disappointment that was…)

We talked soooo much… I told her about my Singapore escapades while she complained about how nursing isn’t such a great pre-med after all. Come to think of it, it was mostly catching up and laughing about how some friends got fat. 

When you’re with people you love, it really doesnt matter what you do with them. Whether it’s just a boring lunch or a casual chat over two disappointingly innocuous chocolate apple martinis, life is good if it’s with a good friend. And it doesnt really matter what you talk about as well… Even if it’s as mundane as my A-Level woes or something as interesting as Myza’s college friend owning a private plane, time spent with her is just awesome.

This is almost a re-post but I don’t care ‘cos I’m still like wtf.

Today I went to the Admissions Office of the University of the Philippines only to be condescendingly told that my SAT, O-Level, and Prelim scores aren’t good enough to qualify to read BS Molecular Biology and Biotechnology.

OMG!!! ?@!?!!!@???#!#@!!#!!!??@?@#@!!!!!@#@!!!@!@!#!!!!!**&^^&*^*%%$*$#^%*(*&%$##&*^(&(*^$&^(^#*^**(&^

After that encounter, I suddenly had a vision… I saw threee letters in my head: N… T… U…

do you ever get the feeling like the universe is conspiring against you? like everything just isn’t going the way it should be?

Here’s a rundown of a personal series of  unfortunate events:

1. Collegeboard ‘forgot’ to send my SAT scores to all the colleges I applied for.
2. Tanaw broke a leg after a fight with his sister. The ‘incapacitated’ dog insists he rests on my lap EVERYTIME he sees me.
3. I was informed that I’m not qualified to read either BS Biology or BS Molecular Biology and Biotechnology in the University of the Philippines.
4. Top two buttons of my shirt got torn off by a swinging door just before I met with the Dean of Admissions.
5. Spilled iced tea on the Application Form I’ve been filling up for the past 30 minutes during lunch.

I just hope there’s some epic Karmic compensation coming after all this… like maybe an acceptance letter from Johns Hopkins… dream school…

I’m considering Sweden now… Karolinska Institutet. Good Med school. cut throat culture. Mom’s idea of a nurturing environment.

She descended the marble staircase, a shining headband like a tiara crowning her curls which cascaded to frame her cold beautiful face. Her eyes were severe and old and she gazed at me as if she saw through me and everything that i was.

I thought she grew up too fast… valiantly trying  fill the emptiness of our shattered home… It seemed so ironic then that something so beautiful could be so strong… that a voice so child-like could sound so regal and superior… and that something so charming could at times be so cruel.

But I realized it was no irony, only a show. A layer of bravado on her facade of control and strength. A facade she took off before she cried quietly that night, alone in her room thinking nobody could hear her.

And in that moment, it seemed that everything made painful sense.

i guess it’s really time to say goodbye…

we may have been perfect for each other in the past but we both have changed. one thing is certain: we don’t belong together anymore.

it’s funny; i find no poignancy in this parting. it’s like letting go of a teddy bear that you have outgrown. it’s surprisingly painless… so natural.

no wistful glances. no grief. no heart ache. no turning back. no guessing. no what ifs.

complete severance.

it may not be a happy ending but at least it’s a new beginning.

“This is the way that we loved: like it’s forever.
We’ll live the rest of our lives. But not together”

now i know; i only love u cos u loved me too.

it has been ages since my last post and there’s soooo much to write… so iM gonna break it into segments…

When I got home, the first thing that took me out of my just-got-home-miss-my-friends-already stupor was my new two feet long and one foot high roommate charging full speed at me. The beagle then launched itself while a few feet away from me, effectively landing the most violent blow my torso ever recieved (there was slight brusing in my lower right rib cage for a few days).

The demented hotdog they affectionately named Mr. Pepper von Fuzzy Wuzzy (nicknamed ‘Tanaw’, which means to gaze far into the horizons) then proceeded to bite my shirt, trying to drag me to where the other four dogs were. While Tanaw is technically my sister’s, I was commissioned to share my lodging with him as my own four dogs sleep in my room. Apparently, beagles need constant company lest they die of loneliness and anxiety. Well, forget that. Tanaw will probably die of food poisoning or choke to death. The four-month old sausage chews just about everything (and everyone) except the expensive chew toys my sister bought for him. The casualties so far: 2 bed sheets, 4 pillows, 3 thick blankets, 1 carpet, 1 leg of a coffee table (like wth?!), 1 arm of a sofa, and one doggie ear that had to be stitched (Poor Hansel…).

Sometimes, I feel like my dogs don’t like him (I think that after Tanaw mutilated Hansel’s ear, Hansel turned the others against Tanaw.). This is especially so when Tanaw goes to sleep (the thing is nocturnal so this is early morning. and if entropy had living manifestation it would probably be this dog, which i swear has ADHD. My room is always a mess when i wake up.). Instead of huddling with the other dogs on the carpet, Tanaw would jump and claw his way up my bed and nestle beside me. He makes sure there’s is some form of physical contact before he proceeds to sleep. Whenever I get out of bed and sit on a chair to go online, he would wake up, get off the bed, drag himself under the coffee table, and rest his head or paw against one of my feet before falling asleep again.

Disturbed and neurotic as he was, Tanaw is still a baby (I wanted to say puppy). It’s hard not to love him when he farts in his sleep and startles himself awake. Everytime my sister leaves for school, he would make crying sounds before flying down the stairs to pull at my sister’s skirt, trying to make her stay by threatening to rip the hem. And for the next 5 minutes or so, Tanaw would be one inconsolable lump on the sofa. Occassionally, one of my dogs (but never Hansel) would come over and nudge Tanaw with his nose. But after some time, Tanaw would be on his paws and back to devastating cherished articles of clothing and other miscellaneous chewables.

Living with Tanaw isn’t easy. He’s nocturnal. He destroys things. And he thinks curling into a ball while resting against your face is an affectionate and necessary way to fall asleep. But the bottomeless pit of neediness that he is has always drawn me closer to him. The way that he needs and gives affection from and to others is so loveable it’s hard to stay mad at him even when he proudly drops a desecrated nike shoe in front of you. With all the destruction he leaves at his wake, it’s still impossible not to love the walking hotdog.

So I guess I have nothing else left to say except welcome to the family, Tanaw.

Oh the irony.

Home is where the heart is but what a shame
because everyone’s heart doesn’t beat the same.